Playlist: Funster

A bit slow to start. The soles of my shoes touch the concrete with the familiar sound. The cold air hits my face and enters my lungs as my breathing quickens a bit then steadies. Press “start”.

Watch out for that pothole! Whoa- must have been a windy night with all those branches on the ground. Uhh. That smell.. What is that? Oh, soggy leaves. Better be careful, those are so slippery when piled up. They really ought to rake those in. Did I pay that bill? So glad I wore gloves but not a hat. It’s chilly out but I definitely would have been too warm with a hat. Oh wow, they painted! Not my favorite color but it’s an improvement from that drab grey. This is a good time to get out. Not too many cars on the street. Tight calf muscles. I knew I should have stretched a bit longer. Keep it going.

Ahh, that’s better. Turn the volume up. Pace steadies. Music continues to play, but there is also the comforting silence of the outdoors . No phones, no TV, no chatter.

What a beautiful day! The sun feels so good. Funny looking cat. Always lurking around the yard but never leaves. I love this song (turn volume up again)! Humming.. “We used to wait…ooooh We used to wait!”

Autopilot kicks in, cruise control is on. Smile and nod “hello” to a passerby. Breaths and movement are second nature. Feet are light. “I used to rule the world. Seas would rise when I gave the word. Listen as the crowd would sing, Now the old  kind is dead. The old kind is dead!”. .

That’s how we can do it. I knew it. Should have followed my gut. Oh- that’s a thought. Might work- worth trying! Definitely going to do the Warrior Dash this year.. Maybe the Rock and Roll Half Marathon. Yeah- it’s in Portland now! Yaaaay!  Here I come! Hoo hoo!

Definitely taking this route next time. More trees and the houses are funkier. Less traffic this way. Lovin’ this sunshine.

I can take this. Steady as she goes. Feet are light. Slight incline. “Simmer down now Simmer down now ..Quiet dog, bite hard, my god! ” Pace picks up ever so slightly. Body is fully relaxed now. Great song to power through it.

Ha! Just as I suspected. Cat is still there in its usual place at the edge of the lawn. Hi kitty. Why on earth is this on my playlist? Forward, forward. Nah.. There we go.  Love the Plimsouls! Millliooooon miiiiles away… Nah nah nah..

Now THAT is a bad-ass car. “So I took a big/chance At the high school/dance With a lady who was ready to play It wasn’t me she was/foolin Cause she knew what was she was/doin when she told me how to walk this way..Walk this way…. Talk this way..”

Hi Ruby. Sweetest lab ever! Oh great, re-paving the street! About time. Dang potholes. Bet those roses smell so good.

Deep breath, smile. Feeling weightless. Completely at peace. Cruising. Almond butter and Lara bar- eat that next time too. Good stuff.

Volume down .. Loosen my neck and shoulders a bit. Cross the street and make a left. Pace slows. Press “stop”. Really wish they would paint our building for crying out loud. I mean really. What is this, 1968? Really glad I didn’t wear that hat. Gloves come off. Up the stairs, slowly.

Deep breath. Going to be a beautiful afternoon. God I love running.

 

 

 

This year I resolve to…Wait a minute. No I don’t.

Recently a friend of mine posted something on Facebook questioning why people resolve to make changes only one time a year. I have to say I agree wholeheartedly. Many get a running start but then end up not following through going incognito for a while until the coast is clear.

If there is one thing I’ve learned from this past year it’s that the changes I’ve made both in my diet and how I view foods are permanent. I’m not a vegetarian and I have not resigned myself to a life without bread or sweets. But the latter is to be an occasional occurrence or indulgence.

Last week I celebrated 60 days of being hospital ER free. How? By making a trip to the ER. Sigh.. I was chopping food and the knife slipped every so slightly. Enough to slice a nice gouge in my left index finger. At first I thought I was in the clear. Just slap some duct tape or something on it and it’s all good. No problem, no reason to go to the ER.

Then I stuck it under the water. Bleep! Bleep bleep! Bleeeeeeeeep! Bleep! Bleep! &^%$#@!! Bleep!!!!

Of course, I calmly called my hubby into the kitchen.. “Ummm. Honey? Would you come in here for a sec?” He had heard some sort of ruckus coming from the kitchen but didn’t know what had happened or that it had to do with one of my digits. I told him I cut my finger but that it’s probably not bad enough for stitches. “In fact, it’s fine but I just wanted you to look at it…Just in case..” Just in case- famous last words.

When he saw the “flap” barely attached, he looked at me and said, “You are going to the ER. Tape it up.. What the…?”

OK- minor lapse in judgement thinking I could tape it up but really? The ER? Are you kidding me?

We made the drive up to OHSU and between the throbs of pain and trying to keep pressure on it -we both realized this was the first time in over a year when I was going to the ER without feeling like I was going to potentially die or even needing a wheel chair. It was huge. To be able to be dropped off at the door while my hubby parked and walk into the ER on my own accord felt very strange. Almost foreign. I can’t explain it except to say I started making “it could be worse” jokes in light of the moment. Needless to say the jokes ended when we saw the ambulances parked outside and a waiting room about to burst at the seams. We were politely informed that it “could be a while” before I’m seen. We expected at least 3-4 hours based on the crowd.

Once I was called back to triage within a few minutes to assure my finger would not fall off , a 30 plus year veteran of nursing and teacher approached me  and explained to our delight that she would just treat me right there and then. No three-hour wait here. In fact- that awesome angel in disguise had us in,  four stitches sewn into my finger, and paperwork processed in under an hour. It was an all time record.

I continue to celebrate each and every day I have my health. On many accounts I am actually healthier than when I went into surgery over a year ago.

Getting to actively seek out work is a joy. Time consuming and tedious? Sure- but I’m excited to be re-entering the workforce and hopefully back into some sort of public service. Lots to be done but just another thing I’m grateful for.

This year I do not resolve to do anything I am not already doing. Being healthy, eating right with a few indulgences here and there, and celebrating enjoying my hubby, family, friends, and sometimes if we are lucky (it is Portland after all..) walks in the sun.

It’s OK, it’s alright, I’m alive and it’s good to be..- Backyard Tire Fire

Our cat is a poser. He likes to sit at the base of the Christmas tree, sniffing the tree skirt as if to fool me into believing he is not even remotely interested  in sipping the (yes I know it’s bad for pets) water. Nobody here but us curious cats. He sniffs around for a few minutes acting completely innocent while watching me watch him out of the corner of his eye. Yeah…After 10 years of this comical routine, the gig is up dude. 

I walk out of earshot and seconds later I hear him lapping it up and then bolt away before you can say the word spray bottle. Foil, cardboard..You name it, I’ve used it to try to keep him away. At this point I’m ready to place a small sign next to it that reads “Drink at your own risk“.

That is the sort of mental sign I see in front of food every day. I’m now 45 days out of the ER/ hospital and feeling great. But the mental part of this is still fresh in my mind like it was yesterday. A year of being malnourished, dehydrated, and carrying around a glaring fear of the severe potential side effects of whatever I ate is stuck on my brain like a magnet. I try to pull away and remind myself that I’m feeling good. What I’m doing is working. My body is healthier now. This is a fresh start. But the anxiety hides in the dark, waiting to jump out at me at any moment. Each day it steadily decreases, bit by bit. I am grateful.

Food testing is going surprisingly well. Tomatoes, sour cream, raw chocolate (more on this in  moment), bread, wheat, and decaf coffee (yaaay!) are all back on the table- in moderation, of course. But to have these options back feels incredible. Still avoiding soy completely. No pain, no nausea, no crouching down at my knees, hunched over feeling like I am going to die. It’s like a splash of ice-cold water to the face. Jarring at first, but awakening.

A coworker of my husband’s introduced something I have never seen before; a Stirs the Soul raw chocolate bar. Sugar is still for the most part off the table. I try to avoid it wherever possible, with a few exceptions with things it’s in for baking purposes (bread, etc..) So chocolate has been a no no. I bought one and showed it to my nutritionist. She said it was “awesome”. If I’m going to indulge once in a while- this is the healthier way to do it. The chocolate is only heated enough to melt it, not over processed like other commercially made candy bars. Also, the dark chocolate (my favorite) one I bought had three ingredients. Cacao, cacao butter, and a bit of agave to sweeten it. It was heavenly. No bad reactions, not sugar spike. Just sheer enjoyment.

Some have asked why I’m avoiding soy, particularly in it’s processed form. Isn’t it healthy for you? My nutritionist/rock star  health coach reminded me that while it is not bad for you in its true form (i.e. edamame), it’s typically so over processed (even tofu and temp eh to a certain extent), soy milk, soy added to most foods- that it has lost all its nutritional value. It can also affect your hormones. Already on HRT so no thank you!

My husband and I went out to breakfast for the first time last weekend. It felt heavenly. We are very fortunate to live in a neighborhood that really caters to varying diets. Jam on Hawthorne as it’s called, had rice milk for my decaf coffee, there was no soy in the half piece of toast I had (sans butter), and they had plenty of options on the menu. Stumptown Coffee Roasters makes the BEST rice milk latte. 

I am grateful for everyone who introduced me to new foods, better ways of cooking, education on ingredients and what it all means. This is what they mean when they say “knowledge is power”.

It truly is, good to be.

Cover it with gas and set it on fire..

Those of you that are Ween fans will get the reference. For those that do not- this is also what I’d like to do to the past year. Cover it with gas, light it up and blow away the ashes.

Day 32 out of ER/ hospitals and day 24 without any nausea or pain. Celebrating now takes on a whole new meaning. Celebrating now means getting to leave the house to go on a walk. Getting to head up north to visit family over night. Exercising beyond the slow, sauntering pace I have become accustomed to. Enjoying the fall weather and getting to see the leaves change and walking downtown to see the tree lighting. It’s the little things that are huge now. My hubby and I went out for the first time to eat in the past year without me getting sick. Clean eating is challenging but not impossible. I will continuously thank Skylor and her knowledge and patience for helping me get to this point.

Thanksgiving was spent with family around the table enjoying a meal rather than in the hospital with a feeding tube, getting my gallbladder removed. I enjoyed every bit of my safely prepared slice of turkey (thank you New Seasons!) , salad (slices of cucumber with balsamic vinegar) and two baked red potatoes. Oh- and I got to drink sparkling pomegranate juice (no added anything) . It felt luxurious but the real joy came in partaking in the tradition often taken for granted just eating and being with my hubby and family.

I’m now in the testing phase of new eating habits. I say eating habits because these are mostly permanent changes, not a diet. I’m about as finicky as our cat. Every label, every ingredient- is now scrutinized. If anything is in question, I pass it up or ask my nutritionist. Recently, potatoes, beans,  and cheddar cheese have been added to my diet- in moderation. Yesterday I tested corn tortillas and Xochilt tortilla chips (gluten-free, only a handful of ingredients / OK’d by Skylor). My rule of thumb is the fewer ingredients, the better. I’m stickin’ to it!

Cooking now involves grape seed or other kind of oil, not olive oil. I’ve learned that olive oil is great for finishing and dressings, but can turn rancid and upset your stomach when heated to a certain temp. I’ve noticed no difference in taste using the other oils.

Our recent outing to dinner involved Macaroni grill. You might be wondering what I could possibly have ordered there. Caesar salad -hold the croutons, dressing, and cheese. Yes, it’s a bowl of romaine, but I added some oil and drizzled balsamic vinegar and grilled (cleanly) shrimp and it was delightful. Lemon water on the side and booya! A date with the hubby and no ill effects.

Brown rice pasta has been a new staple too. Its a great alternative and tastes fantastic. I do not like wheat (nor am I eating it currently) pasta and this stuff is great. Trader Joes carries it and it’s very inexpensive. Also discovered Daiya cheese. It’s vegan but believe or not it tastes GOOD and it melts! How about that?! Most of the vegan cheeses I’ve tried are just gross. My humble opinion but this stuff is great. A local pizza place even offers a gluten-free crust and uses this type of mozzarella on it. Yum! Anything that makes it possible to get out and socialize safely and healthily around food is great.

Thanksgiving and the holidays have taken on a new meaning. I look forward to a fresh start in the new year.

It could be far worse. Unlike my cat, I don’t have to smell my food for an hour  before I decide whether I’ll eat it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#HealthyEating

So I’m now on day 11 of the elimination diet (more permanent types of changes for me though!) and so far that has equaled 10 days free of any nausea or stomach pain (had one minor upset with the steamed apple). Add that to a whopping 18 days hospital free and you have one very happy girl. Hubby, family, and friends follow suit. Hoo hoo!!!  (Think virtual confetti  and horns here!) Baby steps but these are huge. For the most part, I’ve enjoyed what I’ve been eating and discovering new foods. Between my rock star nutritionist and following the right people on Twitter (registered dietician, nutritionists, creditable health websites, and blogs..) I’ve found a lot of great snacks.  Justin’s Almond Nut Butter, raw honey (see previous blog), blueberry muffin Larabars..I’ve even figured out a way to get brown rice to taste really good and somewhat creamy (soak and cook in homemade or organic/ free range chicken broth!).

The most important piece to this is the educational part- reading labels. It’s amazing how many additives are added to processed foods! Think carrageenan, casein.. Vaseline like substances and products used in paints and glue do NOT belong in our food! Check your baby formula, ice cream, etc. It’s used all the time!

I recently came across an excellent write-up on the topic of Healthwashing. Want to find out more about what the jargon the “healthy” or “natural” food label means? This is where you want to start reading. It’s eye-opening to discover what’s in the food (and drinks!)  you consume every day! The writer of this blog humorously jokes about the “natural colors” and “natural flavors” trees. If you can’t pronounce it- usually that means step away from the package!

This weekend I was able to get out with my hubby and join family to watch the Ducks/ Cardinals game. This is the first time I was able to be away from home for six hours and not be sick. This is huge. Mind you, I was armed with snacks and my lemon water but it felt great nonetheless! I also get to try incorporating beans back into my diet. Keeping my fingers crossed here!

Ya know the majority of people have a smart phone or access to a computer. Yet it’s amazing that chemicals and other things that we can’t even pronounce or know where they come from, are allowed into our food so readily. Think about it next time you shop. It only takes an extra minute to read a food label. This is less time than it take to check Twitter or Facebook.

Who’s on first?

This is what I would often ask myself when leaving the doctor. Who is in charge of overseeing my health and the fact that eating was nearly impossible without horrible side effects? Who was ordering the right tests, asking the right questions, and assuring I would not starve for the rest of my life?

The truth is nobody there knew what was going on, how to treat me, or where to go from all the tests I already had done over the past year. I felt like OHSU gave up on me. I have a great general practitioner- for normal health questions and issues, but this is so far beyond that. The GI specialists saw me once and we are all (including a well-known area GI specialist elsewhere) 99.9% sure I was misdiagnosed, simply because they didn’t know where else to go with me. Nutritionally and physically (even mentally) I was not healthy by a stretch, but because the rest of the lab tests would come back normal, but I continued to have symptoms (likely masked by the meds they kept putting me on), they made assumptions.

It’s been 12 days since I was last in the hospital. 12 days without any pain meds or even a single Benadryl. So what did my firecracker of a nutritionist at Sprout do that the OHSU specialists and ER docs did not? She listened- very closely. She reviewed my medical records for the past year from front to back- every test, every visit, every prescription. She looked at my food journal. She asked key questions like, “Do things taste funny to you?” , or ” What happens when you drink water?” , without dismissing my answers or making me feel as if this was on in my head.

I’ve been on the elimination diet for five days now and have only once felt sick and it was only a 4-5 on the pain scale / 2-3 on the nausea scale. I was also easily able to narrow down fairly quickly, which food it was due to. For the remainder of the time, fatigue aside- I have actually felt pretty good for the first time in a year. For the first time I have not felt like I was starving or that I could die from this. For someone eating while eliminating sugar, wheat, soy, dairy, gluten, nightshade veggies, cheese, breads, pre-packages/ processed foods- this is impressive. Skylor is a rock star!

We recently discovered that I’m a PTC taster. What is PTC? It’s phenylthiocarbamide. This chemical can cause cruciferous veggies to taste bitter to some with an inherited trait to taste it. Bingo! Explains why things like cabbage, broccoli, etc. have always tasted and smell horribly bitter to me no matter how you prepare them.

I also learned I actually love honey- raw honey. Every time someone gave me honey, I would gag. Even the smell of it would turn me off. Skylor said to try raw honey. It’s great for your immune system but also a natural way to sweeten my oatmeal and other things. Sure enough it tasted completely different from the honey I’d had before. It goes into my gluten-free rolled oats every morning.

Today was the second time I went out for a 30 minute walk and felt great. Took my lemon water and a snack with me and enjoyed every second of it.

This will be a trial and error experience. Apples, for example- are now on my “no” list. I steamed a few very thing slices and knew quickly this was not settling well with my stomach. This is the way we are approaching things. My hubby is enjoying (most of the time) being my official taste tester and I look forward to sharing some of my dishes with family over the holidays. Most of all just being able to eat and moments where I can enjoy it and know my weight will sustain is such a tremendous change.

So who’s on first now? Skylor.

Zero to sixty in less than fifteen minutes..

Yesterday I was lucky enough to visit Sprout where I met a nutritionist named Skylor. She spent the first part of the appointment listening and reading through the copies of my thick medical chart, thumbing through various notes about my symptoms, tests I’d had done, etc. She was patient but certainly had quite a presence. A go-getter, self motivated professional with a kind heart were my first impressions.

She asked a lot of questions, many that raised our eyebrows and prompted a “Yes!”, “Uh-huh” , or “Yeah- that too!”. She seemed to pick up on my ailments fairly quickly. Sore and achy? Yep- and my hips and knees are killing me. “So basically, you can’t eat.” You got it! Not without great anxiety, anyway!

She explained that she would not be surprised if my body was very toxic right now given all the meds that have been given to me over the past year by OHSU and Providence (worst offender!).  It’s likely that I have a lot of inflammation in my intestines (hence my fear of being away from a bathroom for very long). She asked if I was sleeping. Nope. Insomnia right here! My hubby often notices that my plays on Wordfeud are often at odd, wee hours of the morning.

What caught my attention was that she said at the very least, out of all of this- she can address the inflammation, achy, sore joints, and sleep. She also was not afraid to try to tackle the biggest issues- my gut and inability to eat regularly. So after much discussion, she explained the plan:

I will completely omit wheat, gluten, soy, peanuts, dairy, potatoes,  sugar, bread, all pre-packaged, processed foods, pasta, etc. Anything that could be contributing to a potential food allergy. I will do this for approximately two weeks give or take-until it’s out of my system completely. Then reintroduce these one by one in small quantities to see how my body reacts.

She will meet with me once a week but be in contact with me daily to see how things are going and determine what adjustments need to be made, likes and dislikes.. She will provide me with daily menus of foods to cook to enable me to adhere to this in a healthy way that allows me not only to get the nourishment I’ve been lacking but to actually feel satiated. For the past year I’ve felt like I’ve been starving, which essentially I have. It’s not a fun feeling to deal with on a daily basis. She will assure my portions are correct and that I get enough calories to stop losing weight. My BMI is currently around 23. I’m 5’6 with a medium build and don’t care to see this and my weight dip any lower.

 

We will continue this for a month. At the very least we’ll find out if I can even digest basic foods and whether or not my body can absorb nutrients. This is huge. My appointment with the Mayo Clinic is in January and this would be invaluable to take with me along with my food journal.

While we were there, a bad flare up or whatever it should be called occurred. Within less than 15 minutes, I went from a 4-5 on the pain scale (woke up for the first time feeling like I had razor blades in my gut) to 60. She asked me if I ever put my head below my heart. I looked at her and responded “Yes! When it gets horrible like this, I’m either slouched over or on all fours with my head down.” She proceeded to show me a yoga pose called the Extended Puppy  

The funny things is, this is the position (close to it ) that I often end up in daily either at home or in the ER when the flare ups get really bad. She said not to wait until it gets to that point. I actually did this at her studio while we were there. She also brought me water with lemon in it. Since I can’t consume very much water at a time because it increased my nausea, she said adding lemon (which I love!) helps my body absorb it better. I sipped on this all day yesterday without any problems! Something so basic yet this is the first I’ve heard of this. The water also has electrolytes added since I’m usually dehydrated.

 

The episode did not pass while I was there so my dad stopped by New Seasons  (an excellent local market that focuses on sustainability, organic locally produced foods) on the way to taking me home, picked up some lemon, electrolyte infused water, and Emergen C (also good for dehydration). I took a hot shower and sat with a heating pad on my belly until I went to sleep last night. It was all I could do to stay out of the ER. It was a VERY close call. She asked how often this happens and how long they last. Almost daily and it can go on for hours. But when it comes on- it’s very quickly that I go downhill.

I feel confident but more importantly- hopeful about the visit with her. She also teaches yoga, does cooking classes and even offered to come to me if I was not feeling well today! I truly feel she is dedicated and that her heart is in this for the long haul. A rare find. 

 

My husband and I have not been able to as much as go out to a movie or on a date since this started and travel is just out of the question since this is so erratic and ending up in the hospital has been almost weekly lately. To improve the situation would be life changing to say the least.  My six month wait for a disability determination (phase 1) will come to an end within the next week or two and we are guarded (most are denied at least 2- 3 times and have to appeal) but keeping our fingers crossed for a positive outcome. Being on one income has been a struggle. Co-pays, trying different medications and foods, Zipcar- have all added up very quickly.

Hope.. It’s a big word around here and we’re still holding on to it tighter than ever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dictionary.com defines Hope as: the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best .

I like the sound of that. 

 

 

 

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